I have been finding myself in many conversations lately that lead to the discussion of the ego. Of course, people aren’t coming to me using the word “ego”. People are coming to me discussing their experiences with people who are acting out in anger, jealousy, fear, etc.
The Ego Acting Out
You can see the ego acting out in reactions to what is perceived as a threat. Examples of the ego acting out include: anger, jealousy, greed, dishonesty, gossiping, blaming, arguing, etc. These behaviors usually come about due to insecurity within the Ego. The ego develops through the course of childhood. The ego is our conscious awareness and the Self is our consciousness and unconsciousness working together synergically to bring balance to “Self”. Although we view the behaviors of the ego as acting out negatively, the ego acts out in order to protect the inner child.
Inner Healing Process
Why this conversation is important to the inner healing process and shifting of the mindset is that identifying when your ego is acting out or what I like to call triggered, you can begin to recognize those areas in you life that need your attention.
When we are triggered by external factors, this is an opportunity to look within ourself. I view this as a trail back to a time when it was necessary to put up defenses and walls to provide protection from the world. Discovering these walls through triggers, helps us bring awareness to what we need to heal. The awareness helps us to get to know the shadow that needs to be brought to conscious awareness.
It is impossible to begin to heal yourself when you lack awareness. To become aware, you need to be able to observe what situations are triggering you and start to evaluate what is going on within you when you become triggered. The answer is not that the other person is wrong or the problem. That type of response is what you can see on the surface. When you are ready to grow, you begin to look deeper. You evaluate what within you is perturbed in response to another person.
The best time to observe this is when you are receiving constructed criticism from someone that has your best interest at heart and you immediately begin to put up defenses. This is when you can see the ego acting out. You may become angry, start blaming, disconnect from the person, or start gossiping about the person. You don’t take responsibility for yourself and you are not able to see the opportunity for growth.
As much as we would like for people to be our cheerleaders at all times, it is not beneficial to our growth. When we learn to shift our mindset on how we respond to feedback, we begin to see the opportunity for expansion and growth.
So here’s some actionable steps to help you start healing and shifting your mindset.
Step 1: Awareness
Become aware of your thought processes. Being aware of your internal dialogue helps you educate yourself on how your mind is delivering messages to you daily. Are you thinking negatively about yourself daily? Are you thinking positively most of the day? Are you spending the day blocking negative thoughts? Are you ruminating on past events? There is so much to unpack when we really get in tune with our daily thought processes. A good way to start this journey is by journaling. Journaling is a great tool to help wake up the mind and discover deeper thoughts about yourself. Journaling requires you to take a moment of stillness and begin to focus in on you. Journaling is a way to vent, release, and also offer up gratitude. Most importantly journaling is about you. This is one of the reasons people struggle with starting journaling. People and most of all women are not use to talking or thinking about themselves. They also struggle with what is right or wrong to write down because there is this internal dialogue of how they should or shouldn’t be. This is why it is necessary to be intentional and set aside time each day to journal. This could be 10 mins a day where you sit and write and it doesn’t matter if you get one word or 1,000 words down. What’s important is that you take the time to start the process of developing a relationship with self.
Step 2: Release
As you become aware of yourself, you will find that there are emotions that will rise up. When these emotions rise up, this is not the time to start suppressing your feelings. This is the time to start releasing. Releasing could be you allowing your feelings to stay present as you cry, shout, dance, meditate, do yoga, journal, listen to music, etc. The key is to not go back to suppressing the emotion. Sit in it. Be still. Listen.
Step 3: Re-Storying
You have the opportunity to change your trajectory when you become of aware yourself and begin to release those things within you that are holding you back from achieving your dreams. Once you shift your mindset into caring for you; by releasing the stagnate energy of self-doubt, lack of self worth, and fear; you can begin to get into an energy field that allows flow. When there is flow in your life, you are able to call in whatever you desire. You get the opportunity to re-story your life. Re-storying is when you take the narrative that you have been telling yourself that is laced in self-doubt, lack of self worth, and fear and change it to a story that is filled with you stepping into your power. You begin to re-write your destiny. You begin to manifest your heart’s desire. When you become aware, release, change your story, you are now in the energy field to receive.
Step 4: Changed Behavior
Now that you have done the work of awareness, releasing, re-storying, it is now the time for you to double down and start changing your behavior. A changed mindset will in most cases create sort of an automatic change in behavior but this is not always true for everyone. Taking action, moving your body in a way that is in line with your new story helps put a stamp of approval on the shifting of your mindset. It is not enough to just think about what you want, you want to be moving as if you have already received what you desire to call into your life. Have your new story written down and place it somewhere that you are able to read it everyday. Bringing that story into remembrance and then creating actionable behaviors to do throughout the day, will help you shift your mindset.
Step 5: Remain Intentional In Healing
Remember healing is a journey. I caution people when they begin to think that when they do xyz, then things will go away forever. This is not always true from everyone. Some of us are dealing with traumas that have been out of our awareness for an extended period of time. It is important to remain intentional and aware of self always. Our mind and body is triggered by things as simple as a scent. All five senses have the ability to trigger a response in us and we may not know all our triggers. Remain aware so that when these triggers happen you are able to use the tools you have already learned to bring you back to the present moment. The last thing you want is to spiral back down into the abyss because you stopped being aware of yourself.
Conclusion
There are so many more things I can say on this topic but for today I just wanted to give you some core information to help you with shifting your mindset. When you become aware of your ego responses, you can begin to stop reacting in moments when you are triggered. You will learn the importance of pausing before responding. You will start to evaluate yourself and identify any opportunities for growth for you. When you go within, you are able to start the deeper healing work that leads towards inner peace. I offer Life Coaching and Psychotherapy that assist you with developing self-awareness, doing shadow work, re-storying your life and creating actionable plans to support changed behaviors. If this seems overwhelming to you, sign up for coaching today. Let a coach help you through the processes of your healing journey so you can reach your optimal desired results.
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